The Woodmen Edition this week chased down Moxie, an energetic 3-year-old female black Labrador retriever who loves people, films and British Rock ‘n’ Roll and heavy metal. In her first lab report, the personable, fun-loving canine offered the following comments:
Why did your master buy a dog?
She yearned for the sound of the pitter-patter of little feet. She found I was cheaper and could give her more feet.
Why do you like your master?
She’s so doggone good to me.
Who is your favorite comedian?
Growlcho Marx, pawsitively.
What is your favorite food?
What are your favorite films?
“Dog day Afternoon,” “Wag the Dog” and “Mad Dog and Glory.” My personal favorite is the 1998 Patrick Swayze film, “Black Dog.”
What is your favorite Led Zeppelin song?
“Black Dog,” from the band’s 1971 fourth untitled album.
What is your favorite Beatles song?
“Hey Bulldog,” from the band’s 1969 Yellow Submarine album. I like bull dogs too, y’know.
What is your favorite personal item?
My doggy dish, naturally. By the way, do you know doggy dish sounds remarkably like your last name?
Why are black Labs so smart?
We’re good at math. Ask what five minus five is and we say nothing.
How did your master punish you when she caught you chewing on her dictionary?
She didn’t punish me. She simply took the words right out of my mouth.
What is your most humorous moment?
When my owner took me to a dog show and she won.
Why don’t black Labs bark at their feet?
It’s not polite to talk back to your paw.
Why do people hate dogs?
They don’t hate dogs, only rugs that go squish-squish.
What dog projects are you working on?
My master and I are working on a new bathroom product. It’s a combination toilet bowl cleaner and dog breath freshener.
What advice do you have for dog-owner wannabes?
No matter how little money or possessions you have, owning a dog makes you rich. A dog is the only creature that loves you more than itself.