Dear Donna: Widower might be moving too quickly

By Donna Shugrue Special to The Gazette - Published: December 9, 2013 | 7:30 am 0

Dear Donna,

I have been dating a man for several months. I enjoy his companionship, and I thought there might be potential for something long term. When I met him, he told me he was widowed, but he gave me the impression he had been widowed for some time. I recently learned that he was widowed for only three months when he started spending time with me. I told him I do not believe he is ready for a serious relationship, and we should only be friends. He assures me that he cares for me and he is interested in a romantic relationship. In fact, he thinks we should stop dating if I am interested only in friendship. What advice can you give me? - Ruth

Dear Ruth,

A good rule of thumb is it usually takes one month for every year of a relationship for someone to be emotionally available and in the right frame of mind to start dating again. There are always exceptions to the rule, but if he cares about you, he should not be giving you an ultimatum. If you are the first person he has dated, the odds of it working out are not good. I think you would be wise to stay focused on friendship for a few more months, even if he decides to stop dating you.

Dear Donna,

Why do women tell you to call them, give you their number, and when you call, they don't call you back?

Dear Why,

Usually because they are not interested or they are not emotionally available. If someone does not respond to two messages, let it go.

-

Shugrue owns Perfectly Matched. Her column runs biweekly in Family. Email questions to donnashugrue

@comcast.net or visit

perfectlymatcheddating.com.

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