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Dear Donna: Splitting the check a surprise on second date

By: Donna Shugrue Special to The Gazette
March 28, 2016 Updated: March 28, 2016 at 8:25 am
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photo - Donna Shugrue
Donna Shugrue 

Dear Donna,

I met a man from an online dating service and our first meeting was at a nice restaurant. We had a lovely time, and I was delighted when he called to arrange a second date. He asked me to pick the restaurant so I chose a favorite place of mine that I thought he would enjoy. When the check arrived, he asked how I would like to pay for my half. Fortunately, I had a credit card. He then proceeded to take me home and said that he had a great time and would like to see me again. Other than being surprised at his expectation that I would pay for half, I like him. I am not sure how to proceed. - Beverly

Dear Beverly,

It was inappropriate and ungentlemanly for him to expect you to pay for half. If that was the expectation, he should have discussed it with you so you could have been prepared. Before accepting another date, you should tell him that you were surprised when he asked you to pay for your half and see how he responds. Although I am a fan of giving people a second chance, this shows a lack of sensitivity that would be hard to explain considering it was only your second date.

Dear Donna,

I am divorced after a long-term marriage and began a new relationship a few months ago. While she was reluctant to get involved because I was newly divorced, I convinced her that I was ready for a relationship and now she has fallen in love with me. I do care for her, but I think it's too soon to jump into another relationship. I sincerely thought I was ready, but now I feel like I want to explore my options and date other ladies and I don't know how to tell her. Any suggestions? - Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,

Tell her she was right. And although you thought you were ready for a relationship, you now feel like you want to date other women and explore your options. In all fairness, most people think they are ready before they are because they want to be ready. It is only as you get out and start dating that you realize you aren't as ready as you thought you were, or at least not ready for a serious relationship. It typically takes one month for every year you were in a relationship to be emotionally available for a serious relationship. You should date and explore your options. The sooner you tell her, the better.

-

Shugrue owns Perfectly Matched. Her column runs biweekly in Home and Family. Visit perfectlymatcheddating.com or email questions to donnashugrue@comcast.net.

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