July 8, 2013
My girlfriend goes out with her girlfriends dancing once or twice a month. We have been dating for almost a year and I totally trust her, but I am getting more and more uncomfortable with her out drinking and dancing with strangers. She assures me it's just "girl bonding." My friends think it's ridiculous. Should I go with the flow or put my foot down? - Frustrated
Going with the flow obviously isn't working for you, but putting your foot down is not your only option. A thoughtful approach would be to turn the situation around and ask her how she would feel if you were going out with your buddies drinking and dancing with strange women.
It may be "girl bonding," but drinking and dancing with strangers is something I don't think most people in a committed relationship would find acceptable.
A few months ago, some friends introduced me to a lady and everything was great in the beginning. There was lots of kissing, hugging, snuggling and I felt like a teenager even though I am in my 60s. I fell madly in love with her.
Unfortunately, when we decided to be intimate, everything changed. She was unresponsive and cold. The relationship ended, but it still haunts me. How could someone be so responsive and then totally shut down? - Jay
Everything is always great in the beginning because everyone has their best foot forward. It takes most people about three months to get relaxed enough to be themselves, and that is when you start to identify the things that do or don't work. You fell in love with the person you thought she was or you wanted her to be. It could be as simple as she was not that into you, or she was not emotionally available at the start. Next time, take it slower and focus on the friendship first.
Donna Shugrue owns Perfectly Matched. Her column runs biweekly in Family. Email questions to
firstname.lastname@example.org or visit perfectlymatcheddating.com.