Dear Donna: Intimacy more than 'just friends'

By: Donna Shugrue Special to The Gazette
January 6, 2014 Updated: January 6, 2014 at 10:00 am

Dear Donna,

A man I have been dating for three months told me his ex-girlfriend is calling him and wanting to get back together. We had been seeing each other every day, but the past two days, including New Year's Eve, he has spent with her. He says they are only friends. He also says we are only friends. I asked him if we should stop seeing each other, and he said he wants to keep spending time with me but he felt like he had to be honest about what was happening. We have an intimate relationship and, to me, that means we are more than friends. I don't know what to do and I am very hurt. - Anonymous.

Dear Anonymous,

On one hand, I give him credit for being honest. On the other, he can't have his cake and eat it, too. Take a break. Tell him you need a few days to think about this and be clear that you are not intimate with any man whom you consider to be "just a friend." He might be telling you the truth because he wants you to end the relationship so he doesn't have to be the bad guy. He might be confused about what he wants. Either way, if he wants to continue to spend time with both women, you should take yourself out of this picture.

Dear Donna,

My girlfriend wants to go on a cruise and I agreed. She is very excited. I assumed we would be splitting the cost, but I now realize she feels this should be my treat. I can afford to pay for the trip, but it bothers me that she expects me to do it because she also can afford it. Don't most couples split the cost on an expensive trip? - Robert

Dear Robert,

Many couples do split costs on everything from trips to dinners. The good news is you both can afford it. She likely will stay more excited about this trip if you foot the bill, and that can have a value. I think you should pay and have a great time. But the next time you plan a trip, talk about the cost up front so there are no surprises.


Shugrue owns Perfectly Matched. Her column runs biweekly in Family. Email questions to or visit

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