Dear Donna: How to end an off-and-on relationship

February 4, 2013

Dear Donna,

I have been in an off and on relationship for two years, and I am having a hard time ending it. Everyone thinks he is wrong for me, and this time I haven’t even told them that we are back together because I know they won’t like it. Every time we break up, I really think it’s over. A few weeks will go by, then he calls and we end up back together.

I know he isn’t right for me, but we have such great chemistry. I just can’t resist seeing him when he calls.

I don’t know how to get off this merry go round and end this once and for all.

Dear Merry go round,

If you want to end this relationship, you only have to do one thing — no communication for three months. No phone calls, no emails, no text messages, no letters, no seeing him — no contact for three months, and for most people it’s over.

You said everyone thinks he is wrong for you, including you. Can everyone be wrong? This “off and on” relationship keeps you from being emotionally available to someone who is right for you.

Three months, no communication, and you can be off the merry go round.

Dear Donna,

I am in my 60s, retired, and looking for a lady to travel, have fun, and spend the rest of my life with.

I have no problem meeting attractive ladies who would otherwise be perfect, except for their what I call “grand baggage.”

I have grown children and grandchildren that I have great relationships with, but they do not interfere with my personal life.

I recently ended another relationship with a lady I was very fond of because she consistently put baby-sitting her grandchildren over spending time with me. She even passed on a trip to Europe because she couldn’t be away from her grandchildren for two weeks.

Is it just me, or is this a new phenomenon? — Bob

Dear Bob,

I have to admit I hear this complaint more frequently in the last few years.

The next time you start dating someone, express this concern and you will quickly discover your chances of having her check her bags for a trip with you, or baby-sitting her “grand baggage.”

Donna Shugrue, a 35-year resident of Colorado Springs, is the owner of Perfectly Matched. Her column runs bi-weekly in The Gazette. Email questions to and visit her website,

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