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Dear Donna: Guy won't accept reality of breakup

By: Donna Shugrue Special to The Gazette
January 18, 2016 Updated: January 18, 2016 at 4:10 am
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photo - Donna Shugrue
Donna Shugrue 

Dear Donna,

I was in a one-year relationship that ended two months ago. I tried to end it a couple of times, and he talked me into giving it more time. This time I am sure it is over for me and I am ready to move on, but I think he is hopeful I will change my mind again. He is wearing me out with text messages, phone calls, flowers, talking to my friends and family, and showing up at places he knows I might be. He cannot seem to let it go. I don't want to get a restraining order; I just want him to leave me alone.

What can I say to make him understand without hurting his feelings? - Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,

Stop worrying about hurting his feelings. He is not concerned about your feelings if he continues to badger you when you have told him the relationship is over. Maybe he does not take you seriously because you changed your mind a couple of times. It might be a better idea to have someone he would respect - your brother, your father or a mutual friend - speak to him on your behalf and tell him to knock it off. Then don't respond to any of his attempts to connect with you. If that does not work, you might have to consider more serious options and call your local domestic violence center and ask for advice.

Dear Donna,

I have been dating a lady for a few weeks and she is anxious to meet my kids. I told her I want to get to know her better before I bring my kids into the picture, and that upset her. She says I must not see her as long-term potential if I am not comfortable introducing her to my kids. What do you think is a reasonable amount of time to wait for her to meet my kids? - Jordon

Dear Jordon,

I encourage my clients to wait three months because it takes most people about three months to get relaxed enough to be themselves, and that is when you start to identify the things that do or don't work and whether or not the relationship will continue. To some extent it depends on the ages of the kids, but I don't think you should do it until you feel the time is right for you and your kids. She should be supportive and understanding of your decision.

-

Shugrue owns Perfectly Matched. Her column runs biweekly in Home and Family. Visit perfectlymatcheddating.com or email questions to donnashugrue@comcast.net.

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