Published: June 10, 2013
Dear Donna: I was very excited about a lady I have gone out with a half-dozen times until I went to her home for the first time. She has a cat and she lets him walk on the counters in the kitchen and basically anywhere else he wants to go.
We already had agreed that she is going to cook dinner for me for my birthday in two weeks, and now all I can think of is cat hair in my food. She told me from the first date about her cat and wanted to be sure I was OK with a cat and that I was not allergic to cats. I assured her I am not allergic and I am fine with cats, but I am not fine with a cat that walks on the kitchen counters. Should I say something about it before I go over for dinner? - Cat Lover, But
Dear Cat Lover, But: This is unfamiliar territory for me, so I Googled "Cats on Kitchen Counters" and I was amazed at the wealth of information. The bottom line is cats are going to go wherever they want. There are numerous devices and suggestions for keeping them off the counters, but when all else fails, cleaning the counters with soap and water before preparing food should prevent you from having a hairball. I would suggest you Google "Cats on Kitchen Counters," too, and perhaps you will feel more comfortable that as long as she cleans her counters beforehand you should be fine.
Dear Donna: I have been in a relationship for three years, and we were engaged a year ago. Everyone keeps asking me when we are going to get married. We never talked about a date when we got engaged, and every time I bring it up he is noncommittal. He assures me that he loves me and wants to get married when the timing is right, but I don't know when that will be. I am feeling resentful and it is affecting our relationship, but I don't want to give him an ultimatum. - Kathy
Dear Kathy: I never think ultimatums are a good idea, but after a year of engagement and a three-year relationship, you deserve to know when you are going to be married. I would recommend you both see a counselor to help sort this out. It could be as simple as cold feet on his part, or something more problematic. Your resentfulness soon will turn to anger and you really don't want to let it go that far.
I would suggest you approach your fianc?with something like, "I love you and I want to marry you, but only if I am sure you want to marry me. I would like for us to see a counselor so we can come up with a game plan that will work for both us." If he refuses to see a counselor or set a date, you might want to reconsider this relationship.
Donna Shugrue owns Perfectly Matched. Her column runs biweekly in Family. Email questions to email@example.com or visit perfectlymatcheddating.com.